Black & White and Cardinal Red All Over

25 Rules About NeoCons

I’ve composed a handful of rules to help you better understand how NeoCons operate. There are only 25 to start with but I’m sure I will be able to think up some more as time goes on.

1. Neocons don’t have to follow rules concerning common courtesy. They may insult anyone freely and take extreme umbrage if anyone calls them on it.

2. Neocons are allowed to lie to anyone (except another neocon) and it does not count as a lie because anyone other than another NeoCon doen not count anyway.

3. Anytime a neocon sees something in the media he doesn’t like he can claim it is because of the Liberal Media. “Real” media doesn’t publish or broadcast anything contrary to Neocon philosophy.

4. A neocon doesn’t have to bring any documentation to their discussions of an issue. Their word ought to be enough to serve as fact. Citations, links, and facts only get in the way of getting the message out.

5. A true Neocon never participates in anything illegal, corrupt, or morally deficient. Those that do are dismissed as RINOs and not really a true conservative in the first place. 

6. Neocons can condemn or ridicule any moderate or Liberal or Democrat with impunity or supporting evidence. They can do so  without consequence for their words. That goes double for public figures. 

7. Neocons will defend every other Neocon public figure to the bitter end no matter how overwhelming the charges, the evidence, and the facts and then point to the Clinton administration or Democrats in Congress and blame them for crimes much worse even if there is no proof of the charges.

8. Every Neocon policy failure can be traced directly back and blamed on the previous failures of the Clinton Administration or activist judges.

9. Neocons are exempted from prosecution of any crimes they may commit, imprisonment for the conviction of said crimes, and expect immediate clemency once they are freed from jail for those crimes while everyone else should get the book thrown at them. Any Neocon who does admit to a crime of any sort is automatically forgiven because of their religion while everyone else is vilified until they die and then some. 

10. Words like “Liberal” and “Democrat” are to be used as epithets by Neocons no matter the charge. They are synonymous with any vulgar epithets you may hear in jail or coming out of Dick Cheney’s mouth.

11. Neocons refuse to recognize the difference between a Democrat and the Democratic Party preferring to use the term “Democrat” for the party and the people alike. They take great delight in misapplying the name and not recognizing the difference between an adjective (Democratic) and a noun (Democrat). Instead of taking it as an insult, most Democrats and members of the Democratic Party use it to identify the truly ignorant Neocons without having to ask any questions.

12. Neocons will never admit to a mistake, no matter how small. Their Commander In Chief never admitted to one in eight years and they see no reason to do so either.

13. On the rare occasion that a NeoCon decides to use facts in a debate, rest assured that those facts will be cherry picked to suit the theory in accordance with NeoCon ideology and facts contrary to the ideology are summarily dismissed as irrelevant. Using the scientific method to develop a theory based on available facts is dismissed out of hand as anti-Christian heresy and not employed by NeoCons in general.

14. Republican Moderates are to be driven out of the party with charges of being a RINO and not following NeoCon orthodoxy. Claims of a Big Tent for Republicans only applies to bringing more NeoCons into the fold. No one else need apply.

15. Using demagoguery and fear as tactics to win public approval for an issue are accepted practices for NeoCons. Discussing an issue using logic, reason, and supporting facts are not. Throw in a few “you hate America” epithets for good measure.

16. Neocons will always claim that they believe in tax cuts so they can shrink the size of government when what they really mean is they want to cut entitlement programs for everyday Americans. They just don’t have the testicular fortitude to come right out and say it so they hide behind the tax cut mantra.

17. Neocons will always claim they believe in a balanced budget but ignore the unbalanced budgets George Bush has signed off on during his term in office. Neocons will fight against restoring Pay As You Go because it would mean some of their vaunted tax cuts would themselves be cut.

18. Neocons will never credit Bill Clinton with eight straight years of economic growth instead giving credit to the stock market for the boom while ignoring all of the programs that stimulated growth that he supported. Conversely, they will blame the current deficits on Bill Clinton and the recession that hit after he left office on those same policies ignoring Bush’s massive tax cuts that reduced revenues and caused investor confidence to dwindle which caused the deficits in the first place.

19. Neocons are essentially chickenhawks meaning they never saw a war they didn’t like but never found a war they would be willing to fight in. There are exceptions but they are far and few between. The Republican Party is littered with drum-banging war hawks who passed on an opportunity to serve their country in time of war.

20. Neocons will disparage the service and war record of anyone that disagrees with their ideological views no matter how honorably they may have served. Their own war record notwithstanding, character assassinations, half-truths, and smears are the standing orders to discredit any opposition to their viewpoints including using the terms “surrender monkeys,” “terrorist sympathizers,” and “cheerleaders for failure.”

21. Neocons can repeat a baseless charge over and over again regardless of whether it is true or not. Just by repeating it numerous times they lend authenticity to the charge. The more Neocons you can get to repeat the baseless charge along with you, the better.

22. Personal attacks are Standard Operating Procedure for NeoCons when everything else fails to win the argument. Never let facts get in the way when you can disparage someone’s character to score points. As the old mantra goes, “Why bother to debate when all you need to do is hate.”

23. Using racial epithets and guilt-by-association are acceptable tactics especially if you can pull them off by feigning ignorance of the true meanings of the code words used when discussing them. Never stray too far from your base of rightwing, good-old-boy voters when making your point.

24. NeoCons always spin the negative into a positive by ignoring crucial facts. Ignore the destruction of a major American city and the government’s negligence by stating that New Orleans will be re-built and it will be better than before. Dismiss criticism of the destruction from the Iraq War by claiming that 25 million people were freed. Deny our government’s role in torturing detainees by redifining torture to mean killing detainees instead.

25. Failure to follow any of the above rules will mark you as unpatriotic and unAmerican. Only by following the above rules to the letter will you earn your NeoCon loyalty badge. Make George Bush and Dick Cheney proud, OK?